


my words are for you (they burn my skin)

by geekchic64



Series: Last Words [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, POV Second Person, Soulmates - last words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 00:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekchic64/pseuds/geekchic64
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But the wind is talking to you and all you feel is safe. Like you’re meant to be here. Like this is your fate. Like your universe is here.</p><p>And you realize that it is.</p><p>The wind is talking to you and suddenly you know what you’re about to hear.</p><p>The Words.</p><p>or</p><p>The one where you know what your soulmate's last words to you are going to be and the only thing you can do is live until you hear them</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something I've been working on the last day. I should have the second part up within the next two days. I only have a few scenes left, but I'm tired (read: sorry for any typos) and wanted to work on fleshing them out as much as possible. So this is going to be two parts.  
> (Also idk if this has been done or not so I was just like why not)  
> Anyway.  
> This was more of an exercise for me because I've been in a rut lately. Please let me know what you think! :)  
> Enjoy! X

It’s strange – knowing what your soulmate’s last Words to you are going to be. For some it’s a terrifying thought. They can even go to extremes once they find their soulmate and beg them never to say those Words. For others it can bring a sense of peace or comfort. These people, however, usually know that – however their soulmate says goodbye to them – it is in a peaceful way.

For these people, the last Words are typically words of love.

Not everyone finds out their parting Words in the same way. They can appear as a tattoo, a whisper, or in a dream. Each variation showing itself in a way that reflects their owners. Each Word mirroring the soul in which they come from.

You’re almost eighteen years old, and you have yet to learn your Words.

As each year passed a part of you began to panic more and more. Your mom used to reassure you, her steady hands cupping your face while your dad joked about how maybe they’re immortal. Whenever you would talk to Wells about it, he would always get this funny look on his face, almost… guilty. Like he knew a secret that he could never tell you.

But no matter what anyone said to you, you slowly became convinced that you just didn’t _have_ a soulmate. That you were unworthy of love.

Sure, you’ve had crushes and small flings here and there. But it’s never been anything that took your breath away. It was never something that made you feel like you were floating… Both figuratively and literally.

You tried your best to keep your head up, though. You were _just_ a teenager and even though the Ark was only one ship, it was still kind of huge. You probably just hadn’t met them yet.

There was still time.

But then you found out about your father’s plans and suddenly he’s being floated and you’re locked up in solitary waiting for the day you turn eighteen and join your father in the deep, dark depths of space.

You felt your heart sink the moment the cell door closed, locking you away – away from what was left of your family, your friends, and any possibility of finding your soulmate. But you also, in a very tiny part of your heart, felt relieved. Because you were right about not having a soulmate. Which meant you wouldn’t have to know their last Words. You wouldn’t be breaking anyone’s heart when they would move you to another sealed off room and opened the doors on you.

You wouldn’t be leaving anyone behind.

Of course you would miss your mom. You already miss your dad.

(You work hard every day to forgive Wells and his father.)

(It seems almost impossible.)

But they would all be able to move on. They would be able to work hard to save the Ark; to save its people.

You’ve already guessed what your last words will be – saying goodbye to your mom and telling her you love her. You’d probably pass along your dad’s watch to her as well. As a reminder of the two parts of her world that drifted away, and most importantly, that there wasn’t a lot of time left to save everyone else who was still clinging to the Ark.

While you drew in your cell waiting out the rest of your days, the only regret you realize that you have is never being able to go to Earth. You know it’s ridiculous and that no one would be able to go to the ground for another hundred years or so (you pray the Ark survives that long), but, still…

You would have given anything to have the chance to go exploring. To be able to breathe in _real_ air, to go swimming, to see animals, to feel the _sun_. And, who knows, maybe your soulmate was down there already, impatiently waiting for you to come down from the stars and join them.

So when all of a sudden guards are bursting into your cell and your mom is telling you that you’re getting your chance – you’re going to Earth – you feel your heart almost explode in your chest. Because this is it. This is your second shot at finding your universe in this world.

.

When you wake up on the dropship and see Wells next to you, you feel your blood boil.

Because o _f course._

You contemplate unbuckling from your seat because, for just once, you want to know what it feels like to be weightless.

But you don’t.

(You think that pretty much sums up your life up until this point)

.

Later, even though you feel venom crawl up your throat every time you look at Wells, a small part of you is grateful he’s here with you. (Because _holy shit_ you’re on Earth!) Even though they’re all teenage criminals like you, they still need a leader – a voice of reason. And no matter how much you hate him for killing your father, Wells has always been extremely logical and diplomatic.

(Plus in a world that is so alien to you, it’s nice having a familiar face.)

.

After the initial hectic moments that followed immediately after landing, you snuck off into the trees ( _real trees!_ ) to explore a little bit.

Never in your wildest dreams would you have ever thought of anything as amazing as this. The air is so much sweeter and more pure than you would have guessed. And the feel of rough bark under your fingers and the almost glossy grass between your toes has you gasping with wonder.

There’s so much to take in you have to close your eyes and spin in circles because you have goosebumps on your arms and you don’t remember the last time you’ve been this happy before.

(You think of the sound of your dad’s laugh.)

(You remember the feel of a hug from your mom.)

The only things you hear are the distant sounds of kids laughing and what you guess is a stream at the bottom of the hill you’re on. There’s no humming of machines around you or the sounds of feet rushing around, stomping on metal floors.

Earth, you’ve come to find, has its own symphony that has tears collecting in the corners of your eyes.

You’re sitting at the base of a tree when you hear it.

The wind is whispering through the trees and you swear it’s someone trying to talk to you.

You realize that you should probably feel slightly panicked – or at least alarmed. You’re new to this planet; you have literally no idea what is here. Friend or foe, you wouldn’t know.

But the wind is talking to you and all you feel is safe. Like you’re meant to be here. Like this is your fate. Like your universe is here.

And you realize that it is.

The wind is talking to you and suddenly you know what you’re about to hear.

The Words.

You’re excited and nervous and your heart is thumping away in your chest. You hope they’re peaceful words but you’re on the ground now and you don’t know what’s in store. You hold your breath until the whisperings are clear enough to decipher them.

“ _Home… Home… I swear… I will… Home… I will come home… I will… I swear it…”_

The words are flying all around you and in between the treetops. It sounds like a thousand different voices are saying them over and over, their whispers wrapping around you.

_“I will come home… I swear it…”_

And then it’s done and the only thing you hear are ninety-six teenagers whooping and cheering.

You’re not sure how you should feel, but you need to figure out where you are and how to get to the supplies you and your people will desperately need. So you file it away to the back of your mind until your next moment of peace.

(You pray it won’t be too long before then.)

.

You’re on the trip to Mount Weather when you start thinking about the Words again and who they could belong to. Considering there’s only you and ninety-eight other people on Earth, you figured they came down on the dropship with you.

So far there are only maybe three people you could see possibly being your soulmate.

First there’s Finn – looking past the fact that he can be a bit of an ass and calls you princess literally _all of the time_ , he’s not that bad of a guy. He can actually be kind of sweet at times. Plus you can even picture him saying those words with an open smile and that certain weightlessness only he can achieve. You figure the name Space Walker is appropriate for him.

Then there’s Octavia – her wild spirit caught your attention right away. The girl who lived under the floor was the first person to walk on Earth again. She is happy and free and curious but you know there is so much more to her than what meets the eye. When you spend your entire life hiding your existence, it becomes second nature to hide parts of you. You imagine her saying those Words with a slanted smile, a faux seriousness, and a roll of her eyes.

Lastly there’s Monty. You don’t actually think you could ever be _in_ love with him, but just because he could be your soulmate doesn’t mean it has to be romantic. He’s incredibly smart and even more kind and loyal. You hear him stating those Words and imagine him trying with all of him to follow through.

You watch Jasper swinging on a rope to the other side of the river and then he lands and you realize that _this_ is your universe. Down here on the ground anything is possible. You’re laughing and smiling and you’re surrounded by people you could love and call your own and _anything is possible._ It feels like tiny bubbles are filling you up and they’re going to lift your feet off the ground.

But then there’s a spear through Jasper’s heart and you feel yours racing away. The bubbles have all popped and your universe has stopped spinning. Fear is ice in your veins when you realize what this means.

“We’re not alone.”

.

When you find out that Wells has been lying to you about your dad, you feel everything, from your insides to the trees around you, begin to shift. You cry and beg him to forgive you and you’re just _so sorry_. He holds you tight and lets you cry. You feel him crying with you.

The world, you’re finding, is a scary and cruel place.

But you have your best friend back and breathing comes a little bit easier.

You think, as his safe arms are wrapped around you, that maybe it’s Wells. It would make sense; he has always been your best friend, he has always been the one to understand you the most. It’s always been easy with Wells.

You think that, having Wells as your soulmate, wouldn’t be that terrible.

You both part after what seems like years, the broken pieces of your heart slowly mending themselves.

You’re going to be okay.

You have Wells again.

 _You’re going to be okay_.

You whisper to him to have sweet dreams and you see his breath hitch. He stares at you like he’s going to lose you, but you make a silent promise to stars that you’ll never leave him again.

Blinking, Wells whispers back, and the only ones that hear it are you and the trees.

“Sweet dreams… Better days are coming, Clarke. I promise.”

And with a smile you turn away for your makeshift bed for the night.

You miss the way he stares at you until he can’t see you anymore.

You miss the way he sits back down on the hill, watching as the stars appear and then eventually fade away like distant memories.

You miss the way he dies alone on the ground.

.

You start allowing yourself to believe that Finn really could be the one you’ve been looking for. He makes you feel alive again. He makes you feel like anything is possible. He makes you feel like smiling and laughing again. He makes you _feel_.

So you let him whisper on your skin like the wind through the trees.

.

But then Raven fell from the sky and she’s kissing Finn and so you take that universe you’ve been dreaming of and put it in a box. You put it in a box and give it back because you realize it was never yours to begin with.

You ignore the stone in your gut and continue on.

.

Grounders, you’re coming to find, are very beautifully terrifying people. You’re entranced by them, yet you also don’t know what to make of them. The Grounder that had Octavia – Lincoln – was quiet. You didn’t want to hurt him but _Finn was dying_. You studied Lincoln and you felt your stomach give way because just this _one_ man could probably eradicate your _entire_ camp.

You fear what an army could do.

And then you met Anya. Her piercing gaze tore right through you. You had swallowed your fear and dropped your hand and worked as hard as you could to create peace.

You thought of Wells and had wished he’d been with you on that bridge.

But then Jasper is shooting his gun and arrows are flying and all you can do is run. Lincoln jumps in front of an arrow and it pretty much solidifies him as a part of your people now. Despite him coming from a different home, he is a good man. A kind man who is loyal to the end. It makes you hopeful that the Grounders truly are a kind and loyal people.

(Although you also fear that it’s the loyal part that’s going to get you all killed.)

But you work on Lincoln’s wound and you don’t miss the way he and Octavia look at each other.

You feel happy for them that they found one another. The quiet Grounder with kindness tattooed on his skin and the girl who chases butterflies and has the heart of a warrior.

It makes you really start to believe your soulmate is out there somewhere.

_Anything is possible._

.

You felt the flames lick at your skin, searing it off, burning it, and scarring you forever so you never forget what you did here today. But then the dropship door is opening and everyone is gone. Bones crunch under your boots and you look at what you’ve done.

_Look at what you’ve done._

You don’t know where Finn or Bellamy are. You can’t think about the most likely possibility.

You want to drop to your knees and cry because this is not what you wanted. You had believed that Earth would bring you a chance at a new life and _hope_. But instead, death follows you. It whispers through the trees and it reminds you that _anything is possible_.

Even the nightmares.

( _You_ are the nightmares.)

(You are the monster.)

_They’re all gone._

But then there is pink smoke and your mind is gone as well.

.

Mount Weather both reminds you of the Ark and makes your skin crawl at the same time. Because you’ve tasted what the outside world feels like. You’ve felt the wind and sun on your skin. You have broken branches and bones under your boots but you know the concrete walls wouldn’t crack.

_It’s too good to be true._

You haven’t been on the ground for long, but you have learned that whenever you think you are running free, there is always a cliff hidden from sight waiting for you.

You are terrified to find out what the cliff is this time.

You refuse to trust anyone. You want to be able to let go of your worries and be carefree like Jasper.

But you can’t.

And then suddenly you find that cliff and you feel yourself falling.

They’re stealing the Grounder’s _blood_ and it horrifies you. You manage to escape with Anya only to have to keep fighting until the final moments.

You find it ironic how the people you would give your life up to save almost kill you.

“ _Ai gonplei ste odon_.”

The promise of peace dies with Anya and that universe you’re searching for keeps drifting farther and farther out of your reach.

.

You’re not sure what to expect when you meet the Grounders’ commander. All you can do is steel yourself for the worst.

But then you’re walking into their tent and you see her sitting on her throne, twirling her dagger, and you feel everything inside you suddenly flip upside down. You’re surprised you’re still on your feet because it feels like you’re made out of millions of stars and they’re all spinning. But then it stops just as sudden as when it started and you’re both just looking at each other.

_Well that was new._

It isn’t until later when you’re leaving her tent that you put the pieces together.

“… Shit.”

But you can’t think about it for too long because you have a world to save.

.

Your knife slips easily into Finn. A part of you finds it fitting that you once had to pull a knife from his chest to save him, and now you’re putting it back to save him again. But the larger part of you is silently screaming in pain because your people are dying and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to stop it.

Your universe burns a little less bright.

You pray that one day Raven can forgive you.

You pray that one day you can forgive yourself.

You give up on praying.

.

The peace between your people and the Trikru is shaky at best. There are many people on both sides who oppose it, but Lexa refuses to budge. She reinforces her position as commander – as _heda_ – and her people back down.

For the most part, at least.

You’re on the ground staring up at a brute of a man who has his fist raised about to stab you. You’re going to die.

But then there’s a knife sticking out of his wrist and Lexa is there. Lexa is there and she saved you.

“ _Attack her, and you attack me.”_ It’s said in their language so you’re not quite sure what Lexa told him, but the fire in her eyes and the steel in her voice is a pretty good indicater to what it was.

Just when you think this weird day is over, there’s suddenly a terrible roar coming from behind you. You can’t even begin to imagine what it is but Lexa looks terrified and that’s enough for you to start making peace with death.

But of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

Lexa cuts Quint’s leg and takes off running with you and her remaining guard behind you.

You’ve ran out of room to run and then the monster is here and it’s a fucking mutant _gorilla_ and it’s playing with Lexa’s guard like he’s a _toy._

You both jump and the sound that comes from Lexa’s arm sends terrified chills down your spine. You’re almost to safety when Lexa screams. She’s being _dragged away from you_ and you can’t breathe so you empty your gun at the beast and try not to pass out.

You can’t lose her.

Not yet.

And you don’t.

You’re locked away in a cage and it’s the first time you two are truly alone. You’re tying on a makeshift sling and you’re so close to her you’re dizzy. She smells like rain and there are faint highlights in her hair that you never noticed. She’s beautiful. Beautiful and fierce and _alive_.

You tell her that you need her to stay alive. For the treaty, of course.

(It’s scary to think of the other reason because this is all so new and real and terrifying and you’ve never felt more excited to be alive.)

And that’s when she tells you about the reincarnation. She spoke about how her soul will always be finding a new home.

(Those words are so close your heart skips a beat.)

You think it’s beautiful. You think Grounder culture is beautiful (except for the whole torturing thing. But you also have to remind yourself that any law broken on the Ark was punishable by death).

The moment is silent and still and you find yourself staring at her lips until there’s a sudden crash at the cage’s door.

The gorilla is back and you tell Lexa that she isn’t dying today. You tell her that you need her soul to stay right where it is.

(You tell her you need her.)

(You tell her you can’t lose her.)

(You tell her that she’s your universe and it just started spinning and the stars are so bright and you can’t lose that warmth just yet.)

So together you both manage to escape the cage and lock the beast inside.

You’re so happy you feel like dancing.

So you do.

Lexa laughs at you until you’re trying to convince her to join you. She does only for a moment before her shoulder hurts too much, but it’s just long enough to leave you floating.

.

You wake up with a start to the beast roaring in the distance.

Lexa tells you that you are safe.

You believe her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Next part should be up very soon but please leave a comment with what you thought of it! It means more than you know.
> 
> Thanks again and have a grand day!
> 
> Oh - and come say hey at whatwordsmiss.tumblr.com :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnd this is it!  
> Thank you so very much for taking a chance on this story - it means more to me than you could ever know. And even though I wrote this entire fic in two days, it's been one of my favorite experiences.  
> So thank you for making this a good one.  
> Enjoy! X

You’ve been worried sick about Bellamy being your inside man. You would never tell anyone (especially not Lexa), but he’s a constellation in your universe. You need him to come home safe.

And then you find out about the missiles headed straight for Tondc. Straight for Lexa. You drop everything you’re doing and practically fly to the camp.

You are _not_ losing her today.

(Not before this war with the mountain men is over.)

(Not before you have a chance to figure out what all of this soulmate stuff means.)

(Not until you can love her with every molecule of your being.)

The entire race there you can’t help but think about your future with her. It’s weird to think that a time of peace could actually be true once you both make the mountain fall. It’s weird but, my god, it makes your heart flutter for all the right reasons.

(A part of your heart will forever remain solemn for those who wouldn’t make it to see peace.)

(You think that Wells would have been a great leader for both clans.)

(You’re scared to think of how many people you still have to lose.)

(You try not to picture Lexa’s face, pale and frozen in time.)

You imagine numerous feasts right after the war is over. Both people – those who fell from the sky, and those who we forged out of the ground – would come together in celebration. There would be laughter and singing and joy and you would actually get Lexa to dance with you. For real this time.

You would kiss her.

You would love her.

But first, you have to save her.

So you do.

(But you feel the fire deep in your bones and as you watch the camp burn you imagine the stars in your universe fizzling out.)

(But Lexa is safe. She’s safe and she’s alive.)

(And that’s all that matters.)

(That’s all that can matter.)

.

“Not everyone. Not you.”

Your breath catches in your throat. This is the first time either of you have actively acknowledged what is going on between you.

You have buried so many of your friends. You have burned even more. You have knocked constellations out of the sky.

But Lexa… Lexa makes you feel so warm.

Your universe is banging against the sides of its box, trying to break free – but there’s still a mountain that’s killing your people and they will always come before you. They have to come before you because Lexa may be your universe but they are your stars and you can’t live in darkness.

(She makes you feel so warm.)

You leave Lexa backed up against a table and rush out of the tent.

There is a mountain that’s killing your people… but you allow yourself a smile.

(Because Lexa is the exception.)

(Lexa will always be the exception.)

.

You’re sitting at the base of a tree and you’re so scared. You’re scared and confused and tired. You don’t know what to do. The hands that once used to be smudged with charcoal and paint are now smudged with blood. You don’t want to be fighting anymore. You don’t want to be holding people’s lives in your hands.

You just want to hold Lexa.

You’re tired and confused and you feel yourself slowly falling in love with her. You’ve tried to wait because your people need you.

( _Your people need you.)_

But you’ve been living for eighteen years and she is the first one to make you feel like that actually _means_ something. She makes you feel like you are dancing on the sun.

You want to love her – _my god_ you want to love her.

But you’re just so tired and you want this war to be over and for your friends to come home. You want to stop hating your mom, you want Raven to forgive you, you want Octavia to understand you. You want them to see how hard you’re fighting and how much you’re losing at the same time.

But you can’t.

So you wipe your tears away and whisper goodbye to the trees. You make your way to the tent where Lexa is waiting for you because you both have stars to keep in the sky.

.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that?”

( _You’re so tired._ )

But Lexa is here.

And you miss the way she’s looking at you like you’re her sun.

And you miss the way her heart is fluttering in her chest.

And you miss the way she’s loved you from the moment she first saw you.

“Maybe we do.”

But you don’t miss the way she kisses you.

You don’t miss the feel of her chapped lips under yours.

You don’t miss the way her nose brushes against yours.

You don’t miss the way her universe aligns with yours.

You don’t miss the way she is yours.

You don’t miss the way you are hers.

( _Maybe we do.)_

You pull away because you feel like you’re about to explode. Lexa is so close to you and you both are breathing in the same air and it’s enough to feel those bubbles filling you up again. Her hand is still on your face and yours is on her arm and you don’t know what to do or how to handle all of these emotions. So you smile and you laugh and she smiles and laughs right along with you.

You’re so happy. You’re so happy and so warm and Lexa is here and she’s holding you.

“I can’t let go of you,” you whisper against her skin. “Not yet.”

There are stars in your blood and they’re pulsating through your veins but you’re rooted on the ground with Lexa.

( _With Lexa.)_

But then it’s time for war and you feel your bubbles popping one by one. You feel yourself drop back down, but Lexa _is here_ and she catches you.

It’s time for war and you are so in love.

.

You’re waiting at the door and your heart is in your throat because _this is real_. You have only been alive for eighteen years and there is a high chance that this night could be your last. You squeeze Lexa’s hand tighter.

She looks at you, and suddenly everything is okay.

Suddenly you know you’ll be okay.

Because even if you both die tonight, you’ll die by each other’s side. You’ll die knowing that Lexa makes you feel like you have lived millions of lifetimes. You’ll die before you had a chance to whisper on her skin – but that’s okay because you have seen her heart. You have seen her heart and you have left your fingerprints on it.

You have seen her heart and that in itself is worth dying for.

Whatever happens as soon as that door opens, you know you’ll be okay.

Because Lexa is here.

.

And then she is gone.

There’s blood on her face and you don’t recognize her eyes. You don’t recognize the coldness she looks at you with. You don’t recognize the dark, starless night sky.

This is not your Lexa.

You are meeting the Commander and it feels like her dagger is plunged into your chest and your heart is shattered.

You can’t breathe because she’s leaving you. She’s leaving you and your people in the mountain. The Commander has won her war and your lungs are still battling just to get some air.

_She’s leaving you._

(You just found her.)

(You were going to spend the rest of your life with her.)

(But she’s _leaving._ )

“May we meet again,” and you know you will because those weren’t the right Words. Those weren’t the right Words but you can barely think about that right now because you are standing alone facing down Death’s door.

And you can’t breathe.

You feel the fire inside of you and it hurts. The flames are too high and they’re filling you up with smoke and all you want to do is blow away with the wind.

But you can’t because your friends are still trapped inside that mountain and you made a promise to save them.

So you do.

You take that fire from within you and you use it to set the mountain ablaze.

.

_She left._

And then you do too.

.

The trees don’t whisper like they used to.

You are cold and alone and the stars taunt you at night.

.

_She left you._

.

You don’t know where you are and you’ve lost track of how many days you have been wandering the woods. You don’t know what you expected to find but the only thing you knew was that you had to leave. You had to escape the suffocating hugs and the glances filled with pity. You had to turn your back on the people you sacrificed your soul for – the people who continued to demand and demand and demand that you give more.

More, and more, and more until there was nothing left of you to give.

So you left.

A shadow stumbling through the trees, ghosting over roots and branches and never once seeing the next step in front of you.

(Sometimes you hope that the next cliff is waiting for you.)

(But you’ve also come to realize that hope is weakness.)

(The only thing you can put your faith into in this world are the bones in your body.)

(You ignore the way they’re crumbling inside of you.)

You don’t know where you’re going and you don’t really care. The only regret you used to have in life was never getting the chance to explore Earth.

Now, you only regret making that wish.

You don’t know where you are and you realize that it doesn’t really matter anyway because you died up on that mountain. You died and any good that was left inside of you became one with the stone.

You continue to walk, one shaky step in front of the other.

Because anything is possible.

.

And that’s why when you see Lexa again you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t have your heart jumpstart again in your chest. You shouldn’t have warmth begin to spread throughout your frozen body. You shouldn’t feel like you have been living underground for decades and you’re finally seeing the sun again. You shouldn’t feel the universe inside of you dusting itself off.

So you don’t. You shut it all down and push your universe back into its box.

 _She left you_.

She left you and now she’s standing in front of you in the middle of the woods. Your bones feel like twigs beneath your skin and you don’t remember the last time you actually ate something and _she’s standing in front of you_.

“Clarke.”

And just like that, just by saying your name, you know you forgive her.

Because she is your heart and soul and you both know how heavy it is to carry a people on your back. Because you both know that, as your spine bends under the weight of leadership, your heart is bleeding incessantly for those you love. Because you both know that this world is harsh and it demands sacrifice.

Because you both know that the only thing that is promised is here and now.

The world has been spinning for billions of years and the only thing it can give you is this moment and enough courage and love for you to hopefully make the most of it. Because when the universe inhales and then exhales you know your time will be up.

So Lexa is standing in front of you and you forgive her because there is a hunger deep within you and all you can do is be here and make the most out of this moment.

So you do.

And you kiss her with all of you and she kisses you right back. Her hands are like water dripping all over your body and you feel yourself drowning in her.

(You love her.)

You’re alive and she is here and you’re whispering on her skin.

( _You love her._ )

You don’t know where you are or how she found you and, you realize, that it doesn’t matter.

Because you will always find one another.

Your stars are orbiting each other and you feel your universe crying inside of you.

“I love you.”

(You will always find each other.)

.

“Have you ever seen the ocean, Clarke?”

You stop watching Lexa play with your fingers and look up to see her staring at you. You’re both still lying in bed and it’s soft and warm and you don’t ever want to leave. Especially when her eyes flutter over your face and you see the smallest of smiles tug at the corner of her lips.

You lace your fingers together and answer Lexa.

“Only from space up on the Ark. I haven’t see it in person. Truthfully, many of my few experiences with bodies of water haven’t been all that great, so…”

Lexa’s hand gives a gentle squeeze.

“We must go one day. I find watching the waves to be the third most calming feature of the ground.”

You give a laugh and quirk your eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? And what are the top two features?”

Lexa takes a deep breath and shifts so she’s on her back, staring up at the tent’s ceiling.

“The second are the trees. We are not called the Trigedakru simply because it sounds curious. Or, what was that word you used once? _Cool?”_

She looks back over to you and her eyes are swimming with mirth (such a contrast to the coldness she left you with on the mountain). She is so proud of herself that you can’t help but scoff and roll your eyes in mock annoyance.

“Fuck you, Lexa.” You’re laughing and her eyes widen until they crinkle at the corners from her grin. You actually forget how to breathe for a moment because _wow_.

“But, Clarke, you already did.”

And then your jaw is on the ground and you’re clutching your side because you’re laughing so hard it _hurts._

(You have had broken ribs and a shattered heart but this is a pain you will gladly endure for the rest of your days.)

You bet your life that Octavia has been teaching Lexa how to curse because there’s _no way_ she would have known what that meant.

You hear Lexa’s laughter mix with yours and you just never, ever want this moment to end. Even though you know there is world waiting for you outside, Lexa is your universe and you never could ignore just how bright the stars could shine.

“You’re such an ass, Lexa.”

You wipe some tears from your eyes and try to regulate your breathing. Lexa gives one last chuckle and looks back to the ceiling. She is still softly smiling and you would give anything to be able to sketch her right now. To be able to immortalize how young and carefree she is in this moment.

She’s never looked more beautiful.

(It makes you wonder about when the last time someone told her she was beautiful. Perhaps it was Costia.)

(Either way, you make a note to remind her more often of the good that’s in her heart and that surrounds her.)

“And what’s the most calming?”

You feel her brush her thumb over your knuckles and then let’s go of your hand. Then she is turning and tucking her head under your chin. You give a soft gasp as you feel her trail kisses that are more like phantoms up your neck. Lexa gives a light nip at your pulse point until she pushes you on your back and rolls on top of you. Then she is cupping your face and is looking at you like you are her universe.

You suppose you look at her the same way.

She ghosts her hands down your arms, leaving goosebumps in her wake, until she is once again holding your hands. She guides your palms to the middle of her chest and you feel the steady beat of her heart under your fingers.

“You.”

Those bubbles you once felt – what now seems like lifetimes ago – are back. But this time they fill you completely and you’re positive that if you could somehow tear your gaze away from Lexa, you would find yourself floating. Floating up, and up, and up. Passed the trees. Passed the stars. Up, and up, and up into the unknown. Until there is nowhere else to go and then up, and up, and up some more.

Because Lexa is your soulmate, your universe, and she can give you more than this world can even begin to fathom.

.

The next day, Lexa takes you to the ocean. Your hands are joined and you feel her occasionally give a squeeze. You squeeze back because you need her to know that you’re still here. You need to know that _she’s_ still here.

(Her fingerprints are seared into your skin and you suppose she will always be with you.)

(She will always be a part of you.)

The ocean is beautiful but you find yourself paying more attention to Lexa than the waves. You learn how to study the world by watching her experience it.

It’s worlds within worlds – boxes within boxes – and you are so excited to be spending the rest of your days with her, learning all the new stars in your skies.

You are so in love with her.

And she is so in love with you.

And it’s enough.

.

The last few years have been good to you both. As odd as it may feel, it’s a time of peace.

You’re walking back to camp, the sun is shining, and yours and Lexa’s hands are joined, swinging in between the two of you.

The wars are over and it’s a _time of peace_. You forgot what it’s like – not always having to look over your shoulder, excepting an arrow to come fly towards you. You can just…

Be.

And so you choose to be here, with Lexa.

You make it a point to travel in between camps every so often. Even though weapons have been laid down, you both are still leaders and your people still need you.

But she is the only one to occupy the in-between with you and so you make sure you take advantage of that fact.

You’re singing a song you once heard on the Ark. It’s old and about flying over rainbows. You’re not sure what it’s from, but you’ve always loved the tune. Your dad used to sing it to you when you were younger whenever you were sad. And when Lexa found out you could sing, well, she almost never allowed you to stop.

(She once told you that your voice reminded her of her mother.)

(You tell her that your dad would have loved her.)

You twirl away from Lexa and she’s watching you and laughing and you’re singing and smiling. You’re still dancing away from her and you’re just about to get to the good part of the song when suddenly Lexa’s running toward you.

“CLARKE! STOP!”

Her shouts and panicked face rattles you and makes you stumble backwards.

You feel a wire break behind your heel and then you’re being pushed to the ground.

You feel your head hit a rock and it makes everything go fuzzy for a few moments. You touch the tender part of your skull and your hand comes away red.

“Fuck…” You struggle to sit up, your one hand still holding your now pounding head. “Lexa what the…”

You look up, ready to seriously yell at her because pushing you into a rock? _So_ not cool. She could have just told you that she didn’t like the song.

But she’s not standing above you waiting for your verbal attack. No, she’s laying on her back on the ground with three spears sticking out of her body.

“Lexa!” You shout and scramble over to her. She’s choking on some blood and your hands are hovering above her because _you don’t know what to do._

_You don’t know what to do._

_You don’t know what to do._

You’re panicking and your hands are shaking and you feel like you’re about to barf because _Lexa has three spears in her and she’s choking on blood._

“Lexa! Lexa, no, no, no.”

You don’t remember the last time you’ve felt this scared.

(You think of a giant metal door.)

Your head whips up towards the trees because _you don’t know what to do_ and something has to help you or you don’t know what’s going to happen.

And then you feel Lexa faintly grabbing your arm. Your wild gaze juts down to stare at her wide-eyed and helpless. You promised to always protect her and love her and keep her safe and you’ve failed.

_You’ve failed._

She turns her head to cough up some blood, but then she’s back to looking at you. And even though there is red covering her body and her hair is blending in with the fallen leaves around her, she is still so beautiful.

“Clarke,” her voice is weak and it shakes – shakes way down to your core, to your soul. You feel yourself trembling by the force of it.

“Clarke….” Her hand locks on to yours and she’s so cold she’s just _so cold._

“No, Lexa, please, I –” But you don’t know what to say. You don’t know how to breathe. You don’t know how to save her life.

You don’t know how to _make this okay._

(Anything is possible.)

But even through the pain, even though she knows she’s about to die, Lexa still smiles at you. And it’s the same smile she wore when she first kissed you. When she first shared whispers with you. When she told you that she loved you.

She still smiles and you feel your heart breaking.

“Say it,” her voice is being carried by the wind at this point. You thought you had a lifetime with her, you thought you had _time_ , you thought that you could make it. But time is running out and the love of your life – your soulmate – is lying beneath you, dying. And she’s asking you for this one last request and you would burn every mountain and dry up every ocean if it meant giving her whatever she needed.

So you take a deep breath and, for the first time in a very long time, you put the universe inside of you back into a box.

(Because it would collapse inside of you if you didn’t.)

“May we meet again,” your hands and voice tremble but you don’t look away from her. You don’t let go of her cold hand. You can’t. You grip as hard as you can because you just can’t let go of her.

(Not yet.)

You just found her.

You can’t lose her.

( _Not yet._ )

She gulps one more lung-full of air and her voice sounds miles and miles away from you when she speaks.

“I will find you, Clarke,” she wheezes and the tears are racing down your cheeks and off your chin. They land almost perfectly above Lexa’s heart.

You feel your own heart shattering again and again like the waves on the shore when she speaks.

“I will come home.”

It’s said with a quiet determination, as if it were a fact. That, no matter what happens in this world, Lexa is your universe. She is your sun and you are left orbiting her. She will continue to pull you close, to never let you drift away.

She will always find you.

“I swear it.”

And then you know it’s over.

The sun has burned out and there is nothing left for you to orbit.

Her eyes are still fixed on you, but you know she doesn’t see a thing anymore.

You felt the last of the oxygen leave her body, her chest falling and then remaining still.

You barely manage to gently shut her eyes before you can’t breathe. You’re clutching at her hands and her shoulders and _her_ and there’s nothing you can do because she’s _gone._

She gone and you’re here and there’s nothing you can do about it.

So you cry.

You cry and you scream until you think the stars in the sky are going to rain down like your tears. And then you scream and cry and beg some more.

Because Lexa can’t be gone. She can’t be gone. She’s your soulmate – you need her.

But she’s gone.

She’s gone.

She’s gone.

She’s gone.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

.

_She’s gone._

.

Octavia and Lincoln are the ones that find you the next day. You don’t remember it much but you knew your fingers were bleeding from clawing at the ground and at your chest which now has angry scratch marks on it.

“Jesus, Clarke. What the fuck happened?”

You can’t find the words to tell Octavia. You physically can’t bring yourself to say ‘Lexa’s dead.’ You can’t find the words to say you were trying to tear out your heart because it hurts so much. You can’t speak.

So you don’t.

You just look at Octavia with wild eyes and she knows. She sees the universe inside of you has crumbled. She sees the pain that keeps spiking through your being like the solar flares you used to experience on the Ark. Except this time there are no doors or floorboards for you to hide behind.

There’s nothing here but trees and the cold body of the girl you loved with every fiber of your being.

_I will come home._

But she was your home and now she’s gone.

_She’s gone._

You hear Octavia and Lincoln talk to each other but the words are muffled like your head is under water. But then Octavia’s arms are around you and she’s gently pulling you up and Lincoln is squatting down beside Lexa getting ready to move her.

This snaps you out of your daze and you quickly scramble out of Octavia’s hold on you to protect Lexa.

“Hey! Hey – Clarke! Clarke it’s okay! Clarke!” You hear Octavia beg and Lincoln immediately takes a step back from Lexa. You dig your arms around her stiff shoulders and press yourself to her as much as the spears allow you to.

You don’t find a heartbeat and it’s so foreign to you. Even though you’ve witnessed your fair share of death, both on Earth and on the Ark, holding the still body of someone who made you feel so _alive_ …

You’re so tired.

You close your eyes and allow Octavia to move you off of Lexa. You can barely open your eyes to look up at her when she scoops you up to carry you. Her war paint is smudged around her eyes and some braids are falling out, framing her face with dark hair. Her jaw is clenched and tight, but her eyes are kind. Her eyes are kind and peering down at you so softly the only thing you can do is whimper and tuck yourself into her.

Lexa’s gone.

Lexa’s gone and she will never hold you again.

You feel the fog seeping in from the corners of your mind and you welcome darkness with open arms.

You don’t dream.

.

Later, you realize, that you couldn’t have heard those Words any other way.

.

You’re alone in the woods when you die.

Camp was suffocating and you just needed to escape for a little while.

It had already been a year since Lexa’s death. You had assumed that the Coalition would have been shaken at the death of the Commander, but the Grounders had a swift and efficient course of action set in place.

You had heard around camp that Lexa had been one of the longest living commanders the Grounders had had in a very long time. Your heart sank down to your toes when it dawned on you that Lexa had prepared for this. She had been waiting.

She knew.

So you wander. You wander and wander and wander until everything around you is foreign once again.

It’s getting dark and you don’t know where you are and you realize that you just don’t care.

The first arrow hits you in the left shoulder.

It stings and you let out a small scream. More out of shock and less out of pain. You don’t really feel much these days anyway.

The second arrow hits you in the gut.

You put your hand to the wound and it comes away dripping red. You stumble backwards until you’re on the ground.

Getting shot is strange.

You don’t know who the arrows are from. You don’t know who will find you. You don’t know what will happen. But, honestly, you don’t really care. You just want it all to be over.

You’re staring up at the stars that are peeking through the tops of the trees and glowing butterflies have begun to flutter around you.

_What a beautiful way to die._

And then one last time, almost as if it’s fate, the wind begins to whisper to you.

And, you suppose, it always has been.

“ _Home… Home… I swore… Home… To you…_ ”

You’re drifting away now.

“ _Home…”_

You think of her eyes. You feel her heartbeat under your fingers.

_“I swore…”_

The last kiss against your lips.

“ _I swore I would come home to you…”_

The wind, you think, is warm… just like how she made your universe burn.

And then you’re gone.

.

You hear the trees whisper and the birds singing. The air is sweet and the sun is warm against your skin.

You walk through the edge of the trees and down towards the shore of the ocean. You pull off your boots and enjoy the sand between your toes. The crashing of the waves roar in your ears and the cool water finally kisses your feet.

It’s calm.

You feel a presence behind you and you can’t help but smile. Taking a deep breath, you turn around.

She looks just as beautiful as the first time you saw her.

You laugh and it’s mixed with your tears and she’s smiling at you. She’s smiling at you and you both start running toward each other and meet in the middle with a hug so tight you’re almost positive you become one. Your hands are running all over her back, making sure that she’s _real_ and her hands are running through your hair. You pull back only to dive back in for a kiss.

She’s warm, she’s warm, she’s warm.

She’s warm and she’s here.

You kiss her hard one more time and then rest your forehead against hers. You laugh as she nudges her nose with yours.

“Lexa… You’re here.”

The trees are whispering and you’re crying and she’s smiling.

Your universe is so bright.

“I swore I would come home to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
>  
> 
> (come hang out at whatwordsmiss.tumblr.com)


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